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Goodr Nessys Midnight Orgy - The OG Sunglasses

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Product Description

Classic shape with new levels of style and performance. We designed these shades to look good and fit comfortably on your face whether you're haulin' ass down a mountain trail or drinking beers in a Mexican cantina.

Whatever Queen Nessy wants, Queen Nessy gets. And usually, that's sweet Loch Ness Monster teal skin on skin. Mmmmmm...that sounds good, so we made these teal on teal shades to sneak into the mix...you want in?

NO SLIP. NO BOUNCE. ALL FUN.

  • No Slip - We use special grip coating to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when sweating.
  • No Bounce - Our frame is snug and light-weight, with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running.
  • No Leopards - Plus, no one wearing goodr running sunglasses has ever been attacked by a leopard (as far as we know).

Made For:

  • Running

Great For:

  • Biking
  • Beasting

Nessy's Midnight Orgy Origin Story:

LOCALS COMMEMORATE FIRST PURPORTED SIGHTING OF LOCH NESS “MONSTER” WITH ANNIVERSARY ORGY

BY WILLIAM WALLACE

Los Angeles – SHE had first appeared centuries ago, in Scotland’s Loch Ness, with only a handful of recorded sightings. At first, the fables and tales of the jurassic Queen Nessy were pleasant in nature, joyous, in fact, as her true personality was not monstrous at all.

A highly sexual being, revelers would come from around the globe to express their deepest kinks in a safe environment while feasting on the aphrodisiac slimy lakeweed that covers the depths of the loch. Polyamourous, interspecies relationships were formed there that lasted for centuries, and peace reigned throughout the World. Queen Nessy would perform burlesque water ballets for royal families and peasants alike, who came to hold hands, dance and sign treaties. It was Utopia.

This glorious harmony became swathed in a black cloud as Queen Ness became one of the first proponents of feminism in Europe, spreading her empowering message across the land via rolled up paper notes in bottles. Alas, at that time, the religious sects and moustache-twirling aristocrats of Europe got wise to her message of equality, and reframed Queen Ness as a horrible Monster in order to diminish her power.

Grainy photographs, eye-witness accounts, and artist renders have filled popular culture since then which have sullied her legacy.

She left the public eye and nary the top of her regal head has been spotted in the Loch Ness since.

Then, last Saturday at midnight, the World rejoiced when she was spotted in Echo Park Lake in Los Angeles. Doug & Christie Haymaker, a married couple of recent retirees, saw her crowning glory emerge from the lake and instantly orgasmed just at the sight of her. “I am not the type to get excited unduly, but I’ve never experienced arousal so intense,” said Doug, 67.

As the passion mounted around the lake, couples and singles, old, young, from all backgrounds and sexual orientations, were drawn, running at breakneck speeds to the lake as if pulled by fire in their loins. The world speed record was broken by 47 year old Nancy Williams, who ran from her front door in Redondo Beach into Echo Park Lake in 19 minutes flat.

Dozens joined up to take part in the reawakening. As the night went on the affair became rather raucous, and yet a peaceful equality permeated the gathering. At midnight, as the crowd lit up their e-cigs and cuddled one another in the grasses around the lake, they joined in a quiet but powerful whisper, “Hail Queen Nessy!”

Annie Leibovitz, one of the few uninebriated attendees, caught the candid shot accompanying this article. Nessy’s appearance was hazy as ever, but those who were there have no doubt of what they saw and felt. Hopefully, she is here to stay.

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Cycling Glasses Guide

The benefits of cycling glasses 

Cycling glasses protect your eyes from damaging UV rays, harsh glare and flying debris. Wearing cycling glasses doesn't only offer protection, they can also enhance your visual acuity (your ability to spot objects on the road or trail), colour and depth perception.  

How to choose cycling glasses 

Style 

You can spot cycling glasses from standard sunglasses by their frame design. Cycling glasses sit close to the face and have a wrap-around lens profile as well as curved arms. Standard glasses have a flatter profile.  

Wrap-around lenses offer enhanced peripheral vision when cycling, while a thinner, lighter and more streamlined design improves performance when road racing.  

Lens 

Single or double lenses? 

Single lenses offer more coverage but you're often limited to just one lens tint. 

Dual lens glasses are available with interchangeable lenses so you can switch to tinted versions that are suitable for your riding conditions. 

What are interchangeable lenses? 

Many cycling glasses come with a range of lenses in different shades. You can simply swap the lenses for the conditions you're going to be riding.  

Lens tint guide 

Clear – night riding & overcast skies. Great for protection against debris

Yellow – overcast and low light conditions. Offers improved clarity when light is dim  

Brown / amber – variable conditions. They enhance contrast and improve depth perception  

Blue / purple – low light conditions. Look great, reduce glare and enhance colour perception  

Grey – low to bright conditions. A good option for daily use without distorting colours and reduce glare  

Pink / red – variable conditions. Offer improved visual depth and greatest amount of contrast 

What are photochromic lenses? 

Photochromic lenses tint with changes in light intensity. They're a good option for riders who cycle in unpredictable weather or mountain bikers who switch between open and shaded areas. With photochromic lenses you don't need to switch lenses all the time. 

What are polarized lenses? 

Polarized lenses are designed to reduce glare and reflection whilst also offering improved UV protection. By reducing glare you can see objects on the road ahead much easier.  

Which glasses are best for me?  

It's a good idea to choose cycling glasses for the type of riding you're most likely to be doing. 

Recreation / Commuting – Standard glasses 

You don't need aero designed glasses at slow speeds, or wrap-around coverage. A pair of casual looking sunglasses with UV protection are enough and look stylish off the bike too. 

Mountain biking – Cycling Glasses 

Again you'll have a slower average speed than road cycling so you can get away with a casual style but look for those with plenty of grip on the nose bridge and arms. Variable light conditions means a photochromic lens would be a good option.  

Road cycling – Cycling Glasses 

Fast paced road cycling means a close fit with venting are a good choice. Interchangeable lenses that focus on improving contrast will help you navigate debris on the roads.  

 

 

Delivery & Guarantee

UK Delivery Information

We are committed to offering fast and free delivery, whether you're ordering bikes, accessories or clothing. Our standard delivery service is FREE in the UK, regardless of the size and on all orders over £20.

Please note that bulky products and bikes shipped to outlying UK regions are excluded from free shipping.

Please note that Pre-Order dates can sometimes change due to updated stock information.

Click here for more UK and international delivery information.

Returns & Warranty

It's easy to return a product with our 365 day, hassle free returns. 

We will give you a full refund or exchange on any item that is returned to us unused/unfitted, in a resaleable condition and in its original packaging (where possible).

Please note: For hygiene reasons, we cannot accept returns of facemasks, undershorts or underwear if the item has been removed/unsealed from its original packaging.

If your item develops a fault or arrives damaged, please contact us first so we can resolve the issue for you as quickly as possible.

For more information please visit our Returns & Warranty page.